Aviation Humour & Jokes

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.

The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

A 35 year old woman, in particular, loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a REAL WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, eyes riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a cowboy from Colorado stands up in the rear of the plane.

He is handsome, well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes.

He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time.

No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.

She gasps.

He whispers . . .

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"Iron this. Then get me a beer."

A couple of A-10's are escorting a C-130 Hercules and their pilots were chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk fell to the subject of the relative merits of their respective aircraft with the fighter pilots holding that their planes were better because of their manoeuvrability, weaponry and the like.

The C-130 pilot replied "Yeah? Well I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about." Naturally, he was challenged to demonstrate. "Just watch," he tells them. The C-130 continues to fly straight and level, and after several minutes the Herc pilot returns to the air and says, "There! How was that?"

Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots say, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"

He replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went in the back and took a piss."

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"