Aviation Humour & Jokes

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc.

Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your pilot, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."

Ed sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the pilot a woman?"

When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said "Did I understand you right? Is the pilot a woman?"

"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."
"My God," said Ed, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas.
"I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cock pit. Now it's the Box office."

You've retro fitted a gun rack in your Cessna 172

Your stall warning horn plays Dixie

You have tobacco stains on your empennage

You're wondering "what the heck is an empennage?"

You've ever called a female ATC controller "darlin"

You hangar your airplane at Kissimmee

You've ever referred to your horizontal stabilizer as "the tailgate"

Your runway, taxiway and tie-down spot are the same

You've ever hauled lumber in your airplane

Your A&P mechanic's name is "Bubba"

You converted your Cherokee to run on corn sqeezins (that's home-made liquor for all you city pilots)

Your chief pilot is from Cullman, Alabama (just kidding Steve)

You think GPS stands for "Gators play Seminoles"

Your flight plan calls for a left turn at the hog pen

You have a Cessna 150 up on cement blocks in your front yard

Your multi-function display receives the Nashville Network

You keep a spare pack of Skoal in the airplane

Your bass boat motor has more horsepower than your airplane's engine

Your house and your hangar both have wheels

You secretly hope John Deere starts building airplanes

Your CFI lives in St. Cloud (just kidding Ryan)

You turn base-to-final over the Super Wal-Mart

You've ever fantasized of flying with Dolly Parton in your airplane

You've ever bought pilot supplies at a flea market

You've ever asked a bar-tender for a Nav Light

Your first solo cross-country was to Wachula

Your weight and balance calculations included 5 cases of Budweiser

You've ever tried to pick-up chicks at Oshkosh

Your "plotter" sports an ad for Tractor Supply

You fly a Rollscanardly (rolls down the runway and can hardly fly)

You have a confederate flag on your com antenna

I'm from the CAA and I'm here to help you.

Me? I've never busted minimums.

We will be on time, maybe even early.

Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.

I have no interest in flying for the airlines.

I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.

All that turbulence spoiled my landing.

I'm a member of the mile high club.

I only need glasses for reading.

I broke out right at minimums.

The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.

Don't worry about the weight and balance - it'll fly.

If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.

I'm 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree and 3000 hours in a Lear.

We shipped the part yesterday.

All you have to do is follow the book.

This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.

We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.

Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.

I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.

No need to look that up, I've got it all memorized.

Sure I can fly it - it has wings, doesn't it?

We'll be home by lunchtime.

Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.

I'm always glad to see the CAA.

We fly every day - we don't need recurrent training.

It just came out of annual - how could anything be wrong?

I thought YOU took care of that.

I've got the field in sight.

I've got the traffic in sight.

Of course I know where we are.

I'm SURE the gear was down