Aviation Humour & Jokes

Fly it until the last piece stops moving.

It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.

A checkride ought to be like a skirt, short enough to be interesting but still be long enough to cover everything.

There are some flight instructors where the student is important, and there are some instructors where the instructor is important. Pick carefully.

No one has ever collided with the sky.

It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than to be up there wishing you were down here.

If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller.

Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man.... Landing is the first!

Every one already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great landing.' It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.

IFR: I Follow Roads.

You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.

It only takes two things to fly, airspeed and money.

You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

You can land anywhere once.

I want to die like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

You can always depend on twin engine aircraft. When the first engine quits the second will surely fly you to the scene of an accident.

The real value of twin engine aircraft is it will double your chances of engine failure.

The worst day of flying still beats the best day of real work.

About aerobatics: It's like having sex and being in a car wreck at the same time.

First, listen to the question the student asked, then listen to the question he didn't ask and then figure out the question he really meant to ask.

The Law of Gravity is not a general rule.

You can only tie the record for flying low.

What do you call a pregnant flight attendant? Pilot error.

If flying were the language of man, soaring would be its poetry.

It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.

The last thing every pilot does before leaving the aircraft after making a gear up landing is to put the gear selection lever in the 'down' position.

Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.

Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
(Robert Livingston, "Flying The Aeronca")

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.
(Layton A. Bennett)

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum.
(Jon McBride, astronaut)

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.
(Bob Hoover)

If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the bastard down.
(Ernest K. Gann, advice from the 'old pelican')

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I Am 80,000 Feet and Climbing.
(Sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location on Kadena)

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.
(Paul F. Crickmore)

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.
(Richard Herman, Jr., "Firebreak")